Monday, March 15, 2010

Are You Savoring This?

Last night when Tyler and I were laying in bed talking before going to sleep, he asked me if I was savoring this pregnancy. I laughed, savoring was not how I would describe my feelings! My first response was no because this pregnancy has taken such a physical and emotional toll on me. I have done a horrible job of controlling my crazy pregnancy hormones, had some awful nightmares and terrible bouts of anxiety! Some days I do not even try to control it. If I need to cry, I cry, and I know I have allowed myself to get my feelings hurt over silly things which has lead me to be angry. So here I am, the angry, crying, anxious pregnant girl! What a mess. But at this point, that is just the way it is and I am so blessed to have such caring family and friends for still continuing to check in on me! I have felt so lucky to have been able to share hilarious stories and ideas with many of my friends in MOPS and my Bible Studies, that has really been a great thing for me! From freezer meal parties to hearing things that make me not feel alone anymore, every Monday and Friday morning has been spent with a big smile on my face!

And physically, don't even get me started there! My body has not gotten a break! Maybe I can blame the physical ailments for causing my emotional havoc! Maybe not.....! I have gone from sick and tired to aching and tired. There was no 2nd Trimester bliss like I had with the other two! The more I thought about all this, the more I was so excited to see my doctor and tell her that we were going to schedule a c-section and get my tubes tied, even though I know she will fight me on it and probably won't let me do that unless it is medically necessary! Luckily, Tyler has offered himself up and will be in good hands in a few months, joining many of our friends in the sterile club! But then I felt guilty for not savoring it, or not having the desire to savor it because it is the very last time I will ever be pregnant. So, I suppose the answer is both. With 2 1/2 months to go, I am savoring the fact that we are being blessed with another child, savoring the idea that God believes in us as a family to raise this child, and savoring the movements of the baby inside of me. I have, of course, already reached the point where I am ready to have my body back. I sort of feel like I haven't really had full control of it since I got pregnant with Tanner!

I am excited for this little bundle of joy to come into our lives. It will be here before we know it and so I am going to make an effort to try to savor this more than I have been! It has been so much fun getting the crib and dresser and starting to get the nursery decorated and organized! It really does make it that much more real, that much more fun, even though I know this baby will be with us in our room for a while too!

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