Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Update on my 2010 Goals

After posting my goals or what I also like to refer to as my attempts to live a better life, I received so many emails from friends and family. The support was incredible, the suggestions were wonderful, and the love I felt was so strong. So I wanted to elaborate as best I can on what I am going to try to tackle this year, apply some of the suggestions, and also clarify a bit!

I did not include my goals on motherhood and on being a wife. My motherhood goals sort of fall in line with my emotional goals. I feel like I am a good mom and I am doing all that I can to provide for our kids. It is here that I can begin working on my fears, and also feelings of discontentment that sometimes come over me. It is also with this gift of a 3rd child that I am not going to fall victim to the mommy wars! I said that the last time, and fell right back into it. Well this time, no mommy wars for me! Not this time! I will need some help with this one though......!

As for my wife status, I happen to think I am a great wife and I have a great husband. We work on our marriage every minute we are together, the time we spend together is precious and I love being with Tyler! Yes, we do have goals together but they are private. As much as I have been trying to work on being more of an open book, some things just need to remain private. Not much these days is, especially with a blabby 3 year old, but we try!

But back to my emotional goals. When I quit my job a little over a year ago, I went through a phase where I felt emotions that were unknown to me and lead me to have a lot of fear, self-doubt, anxiety, and discontentment in myself and the life I live. I did not feel good enough, worthy enough, and I felt like a very imperfect person who was surrounded by perfect people. Was I the only one who was a mess? I couldn't be the only person who felt this way, could I? Well, for a long time, I felt like I was the only person. What was I doing wrong? With a little help, I finally figured out I am not alone. That's a relief! But, I still do struggle a lot with my fears and anxiety and so this is the year I plan on conquering all that. No More!!

This is where my spiritual goals will help me as well. The 3 Bible studies I am involved in are all different and they are all so great. One is a Beth Moore, the other is an Elizabeth George, and finally the third one is just focusing on the book of Ruth. All 3 have found very significant places in my heart and are helping me learn more about myself.

Money Money Money. What a subject this is, isn't it? When we're up, it's great and so fun to talk about and when we're down, it is something that makes me sick to my stomach and I tend to pretend it doesn't exist! This was a turning point for us when I quit my job as well. I didn't have my money anymore. It was a very odd feeling that I was able to overcome quickly, but sometimes I still resort back to it. We do have less income, but in the end, we have so much more so the choice was a good one. I couldn't imagine missing out on any of the growing up these boys do everyday! I am also so thankful for the people that watch the boys when I have my occasional meltdowns and need some alone time!
And last we are at the family goals. I meant family as a whole family, not just the 4 or soon to be 5 of us. We are always together! I meant everyone, both of our families. We don't see each other as much as we should. I know that. Life gets crazy. But, I want to try to make more of an effort to have larger family get together's. Every person in both Tyler's family and my family are so different from one another. The variety of everyone is refreshing and fun! I do enjoy family time.
So that is a little more, a little deeper, and hopefully a little more insight into what I hope to accomplish this year!

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